Pregnancy and Loss Awareness Week

Woke up feeling crushed, a deep, deep sense of loss. There’s a hole in my throat, and as every breath passes it’s as though a shard cuts through. I’m left with the thought ‘if the moment passes it’s gone’. The time has gone, slipped through your fingers for eternity, that time will never come back and there’ll never be another chance.

The guilt took over. Did I give up on my body or was it my body that gave up on me. There was an emptiness in my tummy. What was once alive was no longer growing in there. I’m not sure what happened. I can’t quite figure it out. Did I do something wrong? Did I eat something I wasn’t supposed to? Or was it cos I didn’t sleep enough? There’ll never be an answer satisfying enough.

Miscarriage is devastating. It leaves a loss that doesn’t have any words, only desperation, wishing you could’ve held on. Miscarriage ruins plans, makes you feel inadequate, like you’re not good enough.

It took me years to understand that it doesn’t get better the next day, it can affect subsequent pregnancies both physically and mentally. You can develop depression over time. It’s been 4 years since my miscarriage and I still think of the magical moments, short but everlasting.

Please contact Tommys or Sands if you have been impacted by pregnancy and loss awareness week.